Building empowering relationships and strong bonds for lifetime

WHY DO WE have rupture in otherwise long surviving relationships? This aspect is extremely important to understand for a proper comprehension of its causes and the consequences and to get to a state of peacefulness about our such decisions in life.

Communication

WE ARE GENERALLY careful in not annoying the people we interact with in day to day affairs. Even if the people are unfair we get curt only with the outsiders i.e the people we don’t regularly deal with. The regular acquaintances are generally treated with care — if not kid gloves!

Boundaries

BUT THIS DOES not mean that we don’t get negatively affected by those irritations. On the other hand we do get annoyed over many small issues which in our keenness not to damage the relationship with our spouse, family members and important friends/colleagues, we tend to laugh them off or simply try to ignore. But in true sense — if they have affected us in the first place — they can not be ignored or wished away. Such irritations stay in our sub conscious and have the sad potential of troubling us no end!

FOR EXAMPLE IF there is such a person who has irritated/ harmed you in small ways and you have to tolerate him or her just because he or she is a fixture of your life being a spouse, relative or business partner; you may successfully suppress your hurt or disgust for the sake of society/exigency of survival, but it will show up big sometime when your patience is up and alarmingly due to even a minor trigger.

Selective Engagement

THEREFORE YOU MAY end up reacting much more strongly than that particular minor trigger warranted. Your reaction is going to be an explosive outlet for all the pent up frustrations/hurt which you might have pushed under the carpet and apparently had managed – so to say. NOW THIS PARTICULAR recipient of your unexpected strong reaction may be genuinely taken aback because he is not even aware of the effect his past actions/words had been having on you over a long time. So there is going to be a heavy resentment and likely rupture in the bond which may not be easy to mend.

TO AVOID SUCH an outcome it is important to have very clear and cogent rules of engagement clear to both sides. In case some one is unable to or incapable of following these rules it is better to be cautious in dealing and have restricted exposure. You may reduce interaction with such negative/insensitive people. These traits may be beyond the other person’s control or basic comprehension due to being from absolutely different social set, lack of education, alcohol dependence, drug use or simply plain vanity and spoils of the rich. It is better to stay away from such people because you may give n number of hints or make polite protestations, they will not get it! Their own callousness stops such awareness from getting to their intellect and hence does not elicit any favourable change of behaviour and outlook.

Self-Care

SO IF YOU are fortunate enough you would avoid such energy sappers in he first place. But in an unavoidable case of rupture due to overloading negativity you will do well to give it some time to heal and leave it entirely up to the other party to decide to resume interaction or not. You must also be prepared for total breakdown or prolonged freezing. Please see it selfishly and accept the change for your own good. It will free you from untold small doses of misery which prevent you from laughing freely, enjoying the present and pleasantly pass your time. Your time on earth is limited and one must not waste it on useless relations borne out of helplessness. You have a choice and must exert yourself. You have a right to be happy and must exercise that right forcefully and without rancour. AS THEY SAY in Army — kill without mercy and without remorse!!!